Dear LinkedIn,

I know this may sound like a cliché, but it’s not you it’s me.

Over the past two and a half years, I have enjoyed connecting with you and meeting your new friends, but today I feel violated that you suddenly do not believe that our relationship was real.

Although I’ve professed my love to you and written you a lot of letters for your friends, you now have determined that my name to you is like mud. Although you have given me one last opportunity to correct my ways, I just can’t take it any more.

My picture, the one that was displayed on your mantle, you say you no longer like and does not comply with your specifications. Yet after two and a half years you suddenly discarded me like a half-eaten donut dropped on the floor, frosting side down, sticking well beyond the five-second rule.

Yesterday you changed the locks on our hallowed house, refusing to let me gain access, saying that my keys were highly restrictive and that they would no longer work. Alone and confused, I emailed you and I heard nothing. I tweeted to you and I heard nothing. Finally, you responded saying that you were going to erase any memory of me from your halls. Take down my pictures and discard my writings into the trash. You said they would never to be reused, never to be recycled.

I thought our love was true and could withstand the test of time and the constant battering from the trolls that peruse your hallowed ground. But it is I who feels bullied to utter my real name and to show you my real face, for I don’t feel any repressions from outsiders, but I feel that I would be stripped of my dignity from someone who I thought was there to protect me.

We were finally able to speak and you offered me temporary access, a mere 72 hours to change my ways, to comply or be denied. To me this seems like an abusive relationship that I no longer want to be in. So again, LinkedIn, it’s not you, it’s me. I’ll leave you on my terms as I suddenly erase any memory from your hallowed halls.

Faithfully yours,

The Product Poet